Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Month 9 Day 29

I tried to meet up with the teachers again, and again class was not in session.  It was the time for class, but they claimed that all of their students had been let out (this is 40 minutes into what is supposed to be an hour-long class). 

I did some digging about this prisoner, he was some guy with some connection to the Taliban foud with three AK-47s.  The legal officer was not tracking on him.  He didn’t realize he was in lock-up.  Salim was gone toMarjeh, as was the XO so I couldn’t speak to them. 

It is very difficult to train people when they are not around.

I kind of got into it with Capt Brawny again yesterday about retirement. He’s like “I contracted with the USMC and agreed that I would be able to retire at 20…” I’m like “really, I don’t remember signing any such thing. No one promised you pay raises, benefits etc, a statute appoints you and a statute pays you, if they change either of those statues then, they are ok to do that, it’s not a contract.”

The power kept cutting in and out, and with my guys absent there was little that I could do.  To be honest I was ok with that.  I am tired, really tired, and I am in an existential funk.  Saying it like that makes it seem like an overeducated, pampered college student problem, maybe it is.  I don’t see the point of all of this, that should be no surprise, but I have been wrestling with the broader point of existence.  Is it God? OK, but why, ‘we are built to serve him and make him happy’ ok, well outside of that making God seem like quite a self-absorbed guy I still don’t really get it.  I don’t viscerally understand why, and most important, why me, if that is the generic task for everyone, then why is my existence essential.  Could it be something else, could it be as simple as the selfish gene and it’s desire to replicate, reproduce more efficiently and enlightened self-interest.  While that may be true it is equally hollow, especially for a guy who will probably not have kids, try to cull other’s bloodlines, etc. 

I get into a pattern of work.  Just find things to do, things to pass the time, things to try to do my job because I know I am supposed to but it all lacks meaning.

I am tired

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